Mitt Romney and his bullying is currently on the news wires. I believe the Americans should NOT vote for Mitt Romney.
I rail against bullies. Always have. And the thought of even a potential (or past) bully at the helm of the USA mortifies me.I once worked with a group of people (kids really) who bullied & henpecked someone so badly, as a tribe, & made him feel so worthless & miserable, that he started doing hardcore drugs.I came into the group at the tail-end of their bullying episode. It pained deeply me to see what they were doing to him. I did everything I could to stop & change it.
I noticed that none of them visited him in rehab, while he was recovering, like I did.... And no one put in a good word with their mates - so he'd get a better job, like I did… I'll add that to the list of uncaring things I've done... (since they like to typecast me as an uncaring bitch whenever they can... <=== Fine thanks I got there, for helping them.)
I hear from people still there that their underlying culture hasn't changed much. They just PR it way better now... Like Romney's trying to do.Getting back to the point of my post:I know politicians launch smear campaigns on each other, but, if I were American, I would think very carefully before I voted for Mitt Romney.He can't even remember hurting people, whose lives he negatively affected forever. Not only is he an unrepentant amnesiac but his apology is probably just a political PR stunt to hold his ratings. Maybe he's changed since then - but the nature of his apology & how he gave it - would suggest he hasn't….
Given the state the world is in now, the last thing America (& the world) needs is a power-hungry President, with a tendency to bully people he doesn't agree with.
Is this really the kind of person Americans should give ultimate power to ?
Unlike many of the female hip hop stars, she's in full possession of her self & her creativity... and that voice comes through in her songs and video's. She's taken primal african rhythm & hip-hopped it smooth ..... without going kitsch or reggae. @santigold's fully in your face, but strangely gentle at the same time... It's an unusual & captivating combination.
Look at these pros. Look at these clothes. Look at this dough. Look at this go, looking evil. Look at me then look at these hoes. These b-tches ain't f-cking with me. Killa! Killa! Killa, killa! Killa! Killa, killa! My money on it we now gon' knock on it to set it low. Bar don't need to come down let it ride they'll go before we know.
No wonder Jay-Z says her new album Master of My Make-believe is "sounding like a revolution."
Some people say you should forget your past. I disagree. Our past is what makes us who we are & by owning it, we own who we've become, more fully.
On the other hand, I don't think we should languish in past tense self-pity & victimhood, like many people tend to do…But abnegating our past is as blind-spotted as wallowing in it.I was watching some of the old early episodes of Outnumbered the other night (My favourite character is Karen. Some funny snippets of her below.)… & it made me think of my own childhood.Living in South Africa under apartheid was interesting….Besides "the struggle" and the black & white polarities - it introduced all kinds of crazy social power plays which, as a kid, I didn't really understand, even though I thought I did.I remember playing games of hide&seek - when the "BlackJacks" came by to inspect for dompas & our house servants hadn't gone home to the township that night, like they were supposed to.....And often "harbouring" an ANC cadre called "Jabulani from Kwa Mashu" in a hidden section of our garage.. (Another somewhat more elaborate game of hide&seek, I suppose. Although, we later found out that Jabulani went turncoat & squealed on his brothers-in-arms and ended up being shot as a traitor himself.)I also specifically remember when some zulu boys came to the back door one day & asked for food. Their mother worked on our small holding & their father had gone to work in the mines outside Johannesburg. For some reason, he hadn't sent back money for 2 or 3 months & they didn't have any food left to feed the family of 7 or 8 living in the kraal at the bottom of our property.When they asked humbly for food, I could see they were really hungry, so I gave them the 3 or 4 loaves of bread in the pantry, a few cans of bully beef and some boxes of matches.Later that afternoon my mother asked me what had happened, because there was no bread left in the kitchen. I told her I'd eaten it.... All.....I did this for fear of getting the boys into trouble for stealing… Even though I was young, I knew the local policeman to be a racist sadist, who beat up blacks mercilessly on the slightest transgression, even if they were innocent.I remember the look on her face : "You ate 3 or 4 loaves of bread and 2 cans of bully beef ? ...By yourself… ?" "Yes," I replied. "I was very hungry." It must have been a convincing little white lie, because she never punished me or anyone else for it.
Being a fairly open & transparent person, I have kept my Twitter account open & public over the past couple of years - despite the fact that people - who do not have my best interests at heart - use it to monitor what I am doing….
In an ideal world - openness is a good thing - but we don't live in an ideal world.I have had enough of some less than honourable people using my openness to do harm to me. (If I allow that to happen, I only have myself to blame.)So, I have taken the fairly radical decision (for me) of closing my Twitter account to public access. Only people who follow me will now be able to read my tweets.If you follow me & are no threat to me - you'll be fine.
My tweets will be part of your tweetstream like normal... OR
You will be able to read my tweets by logging onto the Twitter web interface & going to my profile.OR
You'll be able to go to my specific tweet stream (using whatever Twitter client you typically use on your desktop or mobile for the Twitter account that follows mine.)
I'm sorry to do this - but I am tired of being harassed & hijacked by people with crappy, Mac The Knife agendas. (Think of it as the Twitter equivalent of a french letter.)
See you on the Twitter flipside.
(P.S. I'll also be restricting view access to new blog posts. If you follow me on Twitter, it won't be a problem… you be able to see where I am posting my new stuff to…)
For people who don't know him - Magnus was THE leading financial advisor in the 90's in South Africa. Everybody loved & rated Magnus and wanted to do business with him…. he won awards & was seen as an industry guru….until he was alleged to have breached his fiduciary duty as a Trustee, inter alia. After that scandal, he lost a lot of his financial shine and many of his illustrious clients. It must have been bad, because his wife even divorced him.I met Magnus a couple of times, socially….Long before the his trust scandal broke. Didn't like the guy. At all. My gut feel screamed something was off. I mentioned my reservations to my friend investing money in his ventures and he laughed at me. I was clearly some precious woman who "didn't know the lay of the land."Four years later, my friend confided to me he wished he'd listened to me & how he rued the day he'd ever invested or been involved with Magnus. It had cost him significant amounts of money & he'd had to spend further amounts on PR to distance himself from the debacle.Like most people, I'm sure, I've had one or 2 experiences like that myself. Situations I would rather avoid with 20/20 hinsight: I worked for a company that looked okay when I joined them…I soon realised all was not well. I tried to resign before my initial contract probation was up & give 24 hours notice. My gut was just telling me to get the hell out… but they persuaded me to stay because they needed my skills blah blah blah.... I figured if I acted in good faith, it would all work out alright in the end. Bad move. Eventually, after being treated incredibly badly, I cut my losses , walk away & resigned.
Ever since then though, my acquaintance with them has been like dog shit on my shoes… You step in it by mistake & no matter how you wash it off, the smell lingers for ages and people think you have the problem.
The good things I learnt from it, though, is that I should trust my gut instincts more... they're not perfect, but generally quite good.
And I've also learnt that:
IF people are fair & unbiased, THEN they will not listen one-sidedly to what barstewards with self-serving agendas have to say. Instead, they will allow you the opportunity to counterpoint & defend yourself... with facts .....and even or balance things out, by getting the opinion of other people who know you longer & better and have no self-serving agenda.People who are true allies or friends, in the long term, test the motives of people telling tales about you. They also hear both sides of the story & give you the benefit of the doubt if the facts are in dispute. Bit like Judge Judy.
It would be nice, though, to erase the dogshit factor permanently from my life with a magic eraser...
Always playing clean He plays by intuition The digit counters fall Plays by sense of smell Always has a replay Never tilts at all That deaf dumb and blind kid Sure plays a mean pinball...
Reality is freaky. Sometimes. Often.When that happens, I've learnt it's best to dance with the freakiness & go with the flow.As long as I do the "good thing" .... As little harm to others as possible & as much good as I can… I find the freakiness works in my favour, in the long term. Not always in the short term - but invariably in the long term.The freakishness of reality is partly why I'm agnostic. There are just too many inexplicable things that neither atheism or religion can explain. Although I don't subscribe to woolly brained, traditional spiritual or religious belief systems… I think we are still babes in the woods when it comes to understanding reality. Our scientists tell us that there are 10 to 13 dimensions to reality, as far as they can now tell. My logic is: I'd be arrogant to assume that something, which contradicts my perception, doesn't exist, invisibly, somewhere in those dimensions, which we can't yet "logically" see, feel or measure. Yet. As such, I think atheists are too strident in their beliefs. They've seen part of the circle (3 dimensions) & make assumptions based on inherently incomplete data. Once we know more & can "prove" scientifically, beyond a doubt, whether a creative force exists or not - then I would happily subscribe to being an atheist or not … but until then, I'll leave that case file open.My own perceptions also provide clues to me: For example, I don't believe in angels, in the way many people do… a few years ago I was walking down an alley in Woodstock CPT with 3 or 4 coked up Cape Malays behind me, swearing under their breathe & intent on doing me harm. It was dark & they were mean mofo's. I had no way out. My car was too far away for me to run, without them catching me. No one was about to help me. Besides, strangers probably wouldn't intercede with a dangerous gang like that, even if they had been around. I was screwed. Probably literally. The strangest thing then happened: Out of nowhere, some guy wearing khaki's and looking like The Camel man appeared & smiled as he walked past me. (Under the street lamp - he looked like Robert Redford & had a peaceful vibe. I couldn't hear his feet walking on the tar, like mine. I figured he must be light-footed..) I don't know what happened behind me, but the gang let out a shriek & suddenly changed their minds after he walked past & ran back from where they'd come. (If anyone asks me now whether I believe in angels, I just laugh & tell them mine is The Camel Man & he'll kick their ass if they mess with me. None of that feathery wing stuff for me, thanks.... Most people think I'm being facetious.)Another reality anomaly: My brother had a horse riding accident one Friday afternoon, before Easter. The surgeon didn't stabilise him properly, he got an embolism in his lungs and landed up in ICU, fighting desperately for his life by Sunday afternoon. That Monday my father died, unexpectedly, 800 km's away. My brother's condition was so fragile, that we couldn't tell him my father was gone, or it would send him into shock. The doctors said the stress would probably kill him. (The Doctors gave him <20% chance of surviving). We delayed my father's funeral, so we could help my brother regain balance. Those were some of the sh-ttiest 2 or 3 weeks of my life. Funny thing was , he kept asking us who the guy was with cowboy boots & jeans....sitting down low, next to his bed, all night, for days on end, in the visitors chair (with a Stetson over his face) ? We told him he was imagining things... no visitors were allowed in ICU at night , so the pethadine he was taking was making him high & playing tricks with his brain…. But he was adamant. Here's the thing though: as far as my brother knew, my father was still alive & well & living in Durban. My dad's joke had always been that in his "next" life, he'd be a cowboy, with pointy boots, long hair & a stetson…. Somehow, I expect, the cowboy thing was some sort of 7th dimension reality voodoo-holograph thingy, signalling to us my brother would be alright, despite the very bleak odds. (He was, in the end.)Life's anomalies lead me to believe (rightly or wrongly) that most (or all) of us are playing pinball with the universe at large, at some level or other. Some of us realise this more than others... And the real pinball wizards do it, Using their wits... Against logic & the odds, Using gut-feel, intuition& a 4D+ sense of smell...Maybe it's the best way for us to tap into things we can't see or hear ? Who knows.
Size is an interesting thing… Most assume more & bigger is better.I disagree. Cue : dinosaurs.I think we are evolving to smaller, more intelligent & robust formats generally, across the board. We have been & are moving towards a time where smaller will be more beneficial. As with the dinosaurs: if something's so big the head can no longer tell what the tail is doing ….it will be too fragile to survive the rapid & transformative changes and challenges we are facing.This graphic from the guy who wrote the Black Swan summarises what I am talking about (I've mentioned it before.... Though notably: Taleb doesn't fully share my technology optimism... Watch the Kevin Kelly at TED video at the bottom of this post, to understand the context for my enthuisiasm.)
(POST AMENDMENT: March 2012 : WIth Nassim's Taleb's progressed thinking - the title of the right column shouldn't be "Robustness" but rather "Anti-fragility"....)
The principle already applies to technology. We've rapidly moved to small laptops & mobile devices, which are more powerful, agile & ubiquitous than the massive computers that sent man to the moon in the 60's.
The "web" is effectively less than a mere 6000 days old … but look how it's evolved already. It's a surprisingly robust & heuristic technology & social paradigm. What will happen in the next 6000 days? Social media is still in its diapers, and it has already catalysed & enabled things like the Arab Spring. This robustness principle will logically also apply to governments and other institutions we currently hand over our destinies to willy-nilly…. We have delegated our political will & social intent, to elected officials and trusted they would deal with issues en masse for us… in ways which represent what we want.With movements like Wikileaks & #Occupy, we are seeing a change in the zeitgeist and the way the wind blows… etc etc I think what we've seen so far is barely the beginning .. & what these things will catalyse in future will positively astound us.It wouldn't surprise me if, for example, the USA splits into 4 or 5 independent areas - which are less federated - but more nimble & robust. Ditto for the EU & possibly the British Isles. The economies of scale & power, which justified massive state entities before, will inevitably be challenged by distributed technologies and small groups of individuals finding ways to solve their own community problems, robustly, on a more local level. I have great hope for humanity (& technology) being sturdy enough to survive the challenges we face ...& even thrive and evolve in intriguing ways, by overcoming them.
My caveat would be that we need to nurture and protect these emerging prospects:
We must not let social, economic or political "dinosaurs" try stop progress, merely because their fragile egosystem will be challenged & they might not adapt well to the new paradigms. We should not let the existing powers that be: kings, power brokers, priests, politicians, bureaucrats, generals or even our own inaction and social lethargy ....impede all the good things humanity can possibly accomplish during the exciting times ahead.
We are the power, we are the ocean, and we are the answer blowing in the wind. Mellen
P.S. : Nassim Taleb has a new book coming out called AntiFragility in Sept 2012. Might be interesting.
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Kevin Kelly @TED : Asks: What does technology mean, in a cosmic sense ? What is technology ? Does The Technium include things like law & other self-organising orders, across the multi-verses.....? What does technology want? How does technology evolve?
Sometimes, I choose to be there for people. Like family. Or friends. For some reason.And sometimes, I'd much rather be somewhere else, a lot more exciting & thrilling.But,
If my relationship with that person is recovering from trauma … And being there is a psychological statement affirming something important… While pissing off at that critical point would make another statement.. Which tacitly regresseses things quite a bit… Then Being There trumps excitement... And excitement can be delayed breifly for that critical moment...
I fully understand it when someone has similar loyalty to their family, spouse & friends... And I'm cool with it.. Because that's how real adults roll.
“I communicate with a horse in what I call the Language of Equus; a silent language of gestures that is predictable and effective…. This language is really quite simple, but simplicity becomes its greatest strength.” ~ Monty Roberts
If you've ever watched a powerful horse running out free, in the brisk morning air… you know what beautiful and magnificent creatures they can be. However, without the benefits of wise & good training - a smart, strong, wilful horse can become an unmanageable nightmare… instead of being the asset & pleasure it should be.2 core ways to train a horse :One tries to train the horse by breaking the horse's spirit, often forcing it to fight back; and then be dominated or defeated. The less said about such brutal methods, the better.The other is a more positive & effective form of natural horsemanship - like Monty Roberts popularised in The Horse Whisperer. This approach dates back to ancient greece (....a lot of good things seem to, don't they ?); but was used more recently in the 18th & 19th centuries.Natural horsemanship removes fear & avoids punishment-based training methods. Fundamentally, it aims at gaining the trust of the horse. By not scaring nor hurting the horse, it teaches it to work with people in a partnership, not as an adversary. The object is for the horse to be calm & feel safe during the training process. A horse that feels that way with its handler is quick to bond with that person, and the results can be extraordinary - for both the horse and its trainer.You can read about how the method uses pressure and release to condition and have a calmer, happier & more willing partner in the horse. Of course, winning over a powerful animal, like a horse, with such gentleness, takes highly skilled horsemanship...(They say it's effective on people as well.)
'You have to stand for what you believe in and sometimes you have to stand alone.' Queen Latifah
The real problem with dysfunctional environments & management structures…. is they're like entrenched institutions: They will do almost anything to preserve the status quo & BAU, which serves & preserves their individual & group interests…. Regardless of whether that's the morally right, legally prudent or economically sound thing to do.
That will include ostracising anyone who asks uncomfortable questions. Or points out the dynamic is broken and needs to be improved & fixed ....& that their "group think" has untenable risks or commercial practices attached to it The beneficiaries of such dysfunctional situations often resort to immoral, illegal & downright oppressive tactics to try shut up their naysayers i.e. those who "don't fit in"….
They're like the Hitlers & Blackshirts of the commercial world.
If they could gas you for not going along with their corporate idiotology, they would... (They often try bully their "critics" in other ways though... even after they've left a situation... & they hide behind NDA's & confidentiality clauses - so that people can't expose how bad & unethical things are.)This doesn't make such deviant situations right though…. & never will.
Even at their zenith, systems like Apartheid & Nazism were wrong. That so many people dumbly went along with them and let them use coercive tactics to make people shut up about what was going down, didn't make those things somehow "right."
I've noticed: the more dysfunctional & unhealthy a management structure, company or nation is becoming, the harder they try shut up or neutralise people - who insist they aspire to higher commercial standards & ethics, relative to how the dysfunctional group is currently operating.I'm often surprised at how strong the juju the BAU groupthink structures delude themselves & others with is ......& how they will blatantly ignore facts, right in front of their noses… so they can pursue their dysfunctional "business as usual" agenda.
There's one main antidote to that, I found:
Be savvy. Ask yourself WHY someone is telling you what they are telling you. And dig beneath the surface... because that's where the real BAU manure is.
Some people don't believe me when I say an ex-bf owns a castle. But he does. Outside Leipzig. Seriously.
Castles don't work for me though. Too big. Hell on the energy bills in winter.
Also: Have you noticed how many fairytale princess often end up being forced recluses or placed in some socially marginalised set-up ? Sleeping Beauty, Snow White, Rapunzel, Cinderella… Is that real or healthy ?
Do you ever see those princessy chicks letting loose & really laughing or truly enjoying themselves, of their own volition ? They're too afraid to lose their "image" of perfection or fall off their "pedestal" to do that... Not great for their self-love & acceptance is it ? But I suppose, with crowns & stuff in play, the stakes are high...
I'm too down-to earth-to be a prissy princess. It's more fun being normal & laughing for real.
What if the essence of who you are and always have been is enough?
The course of justice often prevents it. Edward Counsel, Maxims
It is estimated that a woman born in South Africa has a greater chance of being raped than learning how to read. I've spoken to rape victims to understand why they often walk away from making sure "justice" gets done. I discovered that:
At some point, for many of them, "justice" becomes redundant.
Sometimes, too often, the process they have to put themselves through
& the indignities they have to mentally & emotionally endure again
...are simply not worth the benefit they will gain…
Or any sanction the justice they win might give them.
More importantly, resolving injustice is often something you need to do within yourself....& once you've done that, externalities matter little to you.
I think that's the case when you know you would rather cut your losses, finally let it go & open yourself to get on with the current reality you have in front of your nose…because, ultimately, that is the reality you have power to change.
(well, we could get into a quantum strings discussion about being able to change the past & future by manipulating the space-time continuum... but those anomalies aside...)
And, it's especially the case, when you are playing a different game … & injustice has taught you whatever lessons it needed to teach you, to play better at the next level...
You could argue that a person who has been raped has an obligation to society to make sure their rapist gets prosecuted - to ensure s/he doesn't harm another - but that's quite a thin blue line to argue.... especially when doing so might cause the person as much - or even more trauma - than the original incident.What people championing "justice" often forget is that,
sometimes the injustice has served a greater purpose
or helping them to have deeper empathy for people who have undergone similar injustices.
What life has taught me (from my own experience & by watching other people who transcend challenges) is that if it doesn't kill me - it will make me stronger or teach me something in some way, if I let it & I'm smart enough to realise that... Then, if anything, injustice can become a precious gift…. and what ungrateful person returns a gift ?
There is a higher court than courts of justice and that is the court of conscience. It supercedes all other courts. Mahatma Gandhi
FOOTNOTE:
I know some still-angry rape victims might disagree with me & my approach... No, I've never been raped & so I don't share your pain…….But you don't have to be physically violated to be able to realise this.You just need to have experienced some sort of injustice, which is keenly meaningful to you in some way.
Isn't it fascinating how people totally opposite to us…. often become our best travel companions in life's journey ?
I think of Sharon…. We were total opposites, in many ways.She was a social butterfly. Me: introvert. She: flirty & life of a party. I shy away from attention. She was confident & took wild risks. I doubt myself… even when I know I shouldn't.We couldn't have been more different… Despite that, we clicked.. Better yet, we played well off each other.Sharon had a good & beautiful soul. We just "got" each other. We could laugh hard about the crazy things.
It was great. As friends, I helped her through some tough times in her business... & she encouraged me to be more adventurous & live a little. If she'd been a guy, we'd probably have been lovers...But, it really didn't matter what form our relationship took, we had a natural affinity which transcended labels.
I speak in the past tense. I knew her for a few years. She died suddenly in '95. "Losing" her put my ambitious goals …. like career, studying & getting ahead….in context for me.If I'd known she'd be leaving us so soon, I'd have focussed less on the "serious", survivalist life stuff... And spent more time with her....just enjoying life... (I try remember this when other special people like Sharon come into my life....)
With some people you can do business on a handshake....and with some people you can't.
I've had the good fortune & misfortune of dealing with both… and, although they're sometimes few&far between in the rough&tumble of business, I prefer the ones you can trust to do honest, clean business with…..On a handshake.Years ago, I took on an assignment verbally, from someone who has since served 2 terms as the CEO of Deloitte South Africa.
Many people warned me he had a "dysfunctional personality". However, I found I could do business with him, on a handshake. He paid me for the good results I got, fair & square, no quibbles. He may be a difficult character sometimes - he came from a poor background, grew up in a tough neighbourhood, is tight with a buck & calls a spade a spade - but his word is good&solid and he keeps it. Although he could've, he didn't bully me or try resort to dastardly tactics, to try absolve himself from the agreements he'd made.
[He must have sussed me out prior - and trusted I'm honest & straight up - because I gather he's no walk-over & he doesn't trust many people that way.]
In contrast, I was done over financially by a faux "good guy".
Similar situation. He couldn't deny our agreement. Instead, he was full of petty quibbles & reneged because of a minor "legal technicality". The problem was, to justify his really shitty behaviour, to people who would otherwise question his integrity, he demonised me….. still does to this day, so I hear. Whatever.
[I actually feel sorry for his colleagues & business partners, who've been taken in by his "nice" facade & are doing business with him now, assuming he has integrity. He'll eventually do them in too, down the line…. Because that's who he is. A leopard rarely changes its spots.]
Though, if you think about it, maybe the differences in who these guys are & how they behave (i.e. their leopard spots), explains
why one of them is head of the largest financial services consultancy in his territory & sits on the global board i.e Big Fry , despite growing up quite disadvantaged & being a bit of a curmudgeon sometimes;
while the other has struggled for years to garner the genuine trust & respect of his industry, in any significant & lasting way... And short of coersive tactics & manipulation, I suspect he never will.
Maybe it's because what's bred in the bone, comes out in the flesh.
