(Separating the girls from the women.)

Yesterday was the birthday of my twitter friend, Sue Rutherford, aka @cow_grrrl.
Sue encouraged me to start blogging. You’re reading this because of her.

Sue  is one of those amazing “older” women. Well, she’s not actually “old” by most people’s standards. She’s a little bit younger than me. Sue’s *not even* 40 yet – but she’s already raised 2 teenage sons, sent a dysfunctional husband packing and started her own successful and growing web studio.   She’s also quite “fit”, so the guys say – and who am I to argue with them?

A rare shot of Sue, courtesy of Brendon Grobbelaar aka @biggest Mullet

Like me, Sue  doesn’t like to shop much for girly stuff like impractical shoes and she's shy of camera's. She prefers to buy hardware, tech & DIY.  People like Sue all round – not because she’s always falsely “nice” – but because she is Real. You don’t want to get on the wrong side of Sue though. On a bad day – she’ll chew your ear off, but you’ll still come back and love her the next day anyway. When Sue's friends and fans say things like: “As gorgeous outside as in, what a rarity! “ – they truly mean it.

An interesting thing about Sue is she currently dates a younger guy: @BiggestMullet  - who is not bad looking and a lovely soul in his own right.

I can hear the cliché’d “milf” and “cougar” labels being hauled out of sarky, envious little girls’ drawers.
Oh puh-lease.
Get a grip and fasten up your trainer brassieres.
It’s not like that, ok.

In comparison, another older friend of mine (we’ll call her “M)” lives in Europe. And she IS a cougar. M is in her mid-40’s now. She’s made a specific habit of dating younger guys, since she was in her early 30’s. She could write an excellent book about it, actually.

Dating younger lovers started when M was jilted by her fiancé at the time, for a “younger woman” – someone in their 20’s. She was distraught. She really loved the stupid prick - whereas he was just interested in the ego trip of being with the youngest, tightest tush he could find. He was a lame dick all round, if you ask me.

M responded in kind (hell hath no fury like a woman scorned) by dating a strapping 25 year old Spaniard, with a Latino name I can’t remember. He looked a bit like Enrique Iglesias. The whole escapade turned out way better than she expected; and she’s had a string of younger lovers since. To keep herself in form, she Pilates up a storm and has a body many younger women envy. She glows with exuberant sexiness only a woman who has it all and gets it all can.

M’s got a wicked sense of humour. Her favourite quote in the birthday cards for her friends turning 40 is: “The lovely thing about turning 40 is that now you can start to truly appreciate 25 year old men. Welcome to the club.”

Personally, I’m not into dating younger guys myself, no matter how much they would make me “glow”.

I like my steak well-aged and tender to the bone. I also don’t have the patience for where most younger guys are at emotionally. I have a penchant for a well-travelled, well-read, intricate mind; some life acumen; a wicked sense of humour & a mature personality. Most of that only comes with age, so I’ll probably never be a cougar or a milf. Luckily for me though, Viagra et al has made age and virility almost a non-issue. But each unto their own, as they say.

You may have gathered that, although this post is about saying “Happy Happy Birthday!” to Sue, it’s also about pulling a middle finger to some of the preconceptions people choose to hold about women as they age.

In that context, I’ve noticed that younger women (I'll call them “Girls”) are often the worst critics of Older Women. “Girls” can be downright bitchy, in the very worst kind of way. I never noticed it as much before and I don’t remember being that way myself, Once Upon a Time, when I was a Girl.

People seem to place a lot more emphasis on image and appearances of late. Perhaps it was the industry I was working in when I was younger (Tech/Finance – Less catty?) versus the one I am working in now (Tech/Marketing- More catty?)  Or perhaps it’s our increasingly macabre societal obsession with youth, appearance and plastic surgery taking hold. Either way, Girls (or Un-Cougars as my friends call them) are the worst when it comes to slating other women - especially Older Women - in that regard. Wisdom and life experience hasn’t softened and smoothed their vicious tongues just yet.

I’ve also noticed that many Girls exude a false sense of invincibility. My Older Women friends and I just laugh (…perhaps cackle is a better word?) at this, as only Older Women can: Wryly.

Many Girls have yet to be kept awake by an unappeasable, screaming baby or be knocked back by a relentlessly cheating spouse/lover. Many haven’t dealt much with the indignity of a machiavellian boss; a divorce; life threatening health issues; a mentally abusive life partner or the crisis of a company on the skids. Until you have done those things, sometimes more than one at the same time - and retained your humour in the process - you have no clue how strong you really are. Any show of invincibility at too young an age, is often nothing more than cocky, hollow bravado.

It may sound like I hate little girls. I don’t. I just find the distasteful, mean-spirited and often condescending way they treat Older Women a tad silly and short sighted. One day, they will wisen up and become Women too. When they do, we’ll welcome them into our midst with open, sage arms and a knowing chuckle.

A couple of hundred years ago someone (was it Honore de Balzac?) said that “a woman turning 30 was on the verge of her best decade.” That was then….when people were lucky to live to 50. Now, to die at 50 is to die young. Not only that – we have health and lifestyle interventions available to us, which our mothers and grandmothers could only dream of. And, of course, we know a lot more about the female libido :)

I think, in our times, we could comfortably assert that 40 is the new 30. To modernise that statement: a woman turning 40 is on the verge of her best decade. I say, bring it on.

In closing, apparently, Andy Rooney said this about older women:

"As I grow in age, I value older women most of all.  Here are just a few reasons why.

An older woman will never wake you in the middle of the night to ask, "What are you thinking?" She doesn't care what you think.

An older woman knows herself well enough to be assured in who she is, what she is, what she wants and from whom. Few women past the age of 40 give a damn what you might think about her.

An older single woman usually has had her fill of "meaningful relationships" and commitment." The last thing she needs in her life is another dopey, clingy, whiny, dependent lover.

Older women are dignified. They seldom have a screaming match with you at the opera or in an expensive restaurant. Of course, if you deserve it, they won't hesitate to shoot you if they think they can get away with it.

Most older women cook well. They care about cleanliness and are generous with praise, often undeserved.

An older woman has the self-assurance to introduce you to her women friends.A younger woman with a man will often ignore even her best friend because she doesn't trust the guy with other women. Older women couldn't care less.

Women get psychic as they age. You never have to confess your sins to an older woman. They always know.

An older woman looks good wearing bright red lipstick. This is not true of younger women or drag queens.

Once you get past a wrinkle or two, an older woman is far sexier than her younger counterpart. Her libido's stronger, her fear of pregnancy gone.

Older women are forthright and honest. They'll tell you right off you are a jerk if you are acting like one.

Yes, we praise older women for a multitude of reasons. Unfortunately, it's not reciprocal. For every stunning, smart, well-coifed babe of 40 there is a bald, paunchy relic in yellow pants making a fool of himself with some 22 year old waitress.”